The Testimony of Bill Pruitt

WANTED

Dead or Alive

              Forty-two years ago in Memphis, Tennessee a baby was born. “Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Pruitt you have a beautiful, gay, baby boy!” Well… that wasn’t quite the way it happened. They did have a beautiful baby boy but he wasn’t born gay. That was a desire he chose to follow some years later. Recently I had the privilege of interviewing Bill Pruitt, currently a full-time intern here at America's KESWICK. Bill came to the Colony of Mercy at the urging of his mom and her church. Bill was raised in a Christian home and his mom saw to it that he and his three brothers attended church regularly. His dad was a good provider but worked long hours and wasn’t as much a part of Bill’s daily life. At the age of twelve Bill says he was saved by Christ but didn’t walk with Him for long. He was longing for intimacy, belonging and love from men. He found himself falling into a homosexual lifestyle early in his teens. Bill made it very clear that he didn’t want to be gay; “the only time I felt comfortable in this sin was when I was high or drunk, this allowed me to tune God out of my life.” He quickly became addicted to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. While talking with Bill he named more than one substance he abused that I had never even heard of. They were lethal substances and could have killed him, or so he hoped. Bill was suicidal most of his life. On one hand he had his church and family telling him that his life was all wrong yet the desires inside caused great conflict because he felt that surely a loving God wouldn’t have created him this way and given him such strong desires only to deny him the fulfillment of them. Bill couldn’t handle living a double life any longer. He fled Tennessee in an effort to live his life the way he wanted without opposition. He moved to Texas and continued living exactly as he had in Tennessee. You would think he’d found it peaceful with no one to tell him how wrong it was or how much better God had intended for him. Only there is no real peace for anyone unless they first have peace with God. The constant inner turmoil and conflict inside of him continued relentlessly.  At the age of 23 he found himself praying to God that he would allow him to go to sleep and never wake up. I asked Bill what he felt at the time that would have accomplished. Would he then be out of this horrific turmoil and mental torture and find peace? Or was it that final choice he would make to kill himself would be the last thing he’d ever have to decide? Or did he even care? He’d be dead. No one there to say; “this is wrong”. I was surprised by his answer, he said; “All I wanted was for the pain to end, I thought it would be a release.” I have to admit that statement alone, more than anything else he said, gave me the shivers. What a horrible lie he had been living under. There wouldn’t have been any release from his bondage…not ever. He said he had never thought of where he would be after he died. The destination of his eternal soul wasn’t a real concern to him. He grew up hearing as he put it; “hell, fire and brimstone preaching.” But without the love, compassion and mercy that is also God’s truth. He said; “people need to hear the truth, but they also desperately need to hear about the hope. Jesus said speak the truth in love.”

              God answered no to Bill’s prayer that night and would not allow him to die. He found himself attending AA meetings and tried to get his addictions under control himself. He was failing.

The need for some type of spiritual direction led Bill to a large church in Texas that as he put it; “explained away the bible. They aided me in believing that my lifestyle was okay in the eyes of God and I found comfort in this.” Bill shared that they presented strong arguments conforming God’s word to justify their sins. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was explained something like this: “the men trying to force themselves on the others were rapes; it was an act of lust, that’s not what we are doing. We’re people in committed monogamous relationships, families; it’s not the same at all.” He wound up meeting and entering into a long term relationship with another man at the church in whom he began to idolize. Someone in Bill’s situation wanted to hear their version of the truth. If they were wrong then his whole life would be wrong and to Bill that just wasn’t an option. Bill knows he was deceived and that so are they. He shared this portion of scripture from 2nd Thessalonians 2 vs. 9-12 “The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders, and with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this reason God will send them strong delusion that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

              While living in Texas he began to build a successful career as well. He and the man he was involved with had many things the world would consider to be “everything.” This relationship was to them “beautiful”, they traveled together, had cars and a home with all the bells and whistles. He showed me a picture of a room with a piano in it, and when I said; “oh, I didn’t know you could play the piano”. He replied; “I can’t, the piano played itself.”  Sounds like they had what they thought was a wonderful life. So why did Bill still want to die? He was trying to fill his loneliness with possessions, drugs, sex and people. He felt he had to move fast to stay in front of his thoughts of depression and death. He took medications to help him with the depression and anxiety but to no avail. One night after a party at his home he overdosed on drugs and stopped breathing. After CPR he woke up in great pain and confusion, this was what normal looked like in his life. He spent that Thanksgiving unable to move or talk and being fed by a stranger God put in his path. Everyone else ran in fear of his dying. Yet four days later Bill continued to abuse himself.

              In February of 2005, he made an impulsive decision to leave his career, sell his home, cash in his retirement and move to Cozumel, Mexico to start a business. He said; “I knew if things didn’t get better there I wasn’t coming back, I’d just die there.”  He went to Mexico alone, or so he thought. God protected him through hallucinations and hurricanes. He was in a drug induced state of paranoia and schizophrenia. After the destruction of his home and nearly his life, two men named Gabriel and Michael brought Bill through the jungles of Mexico and back to the U.S. border.  He made it back and began again trying to control his addictions on his own.  He also began attending another church oriented to the gay lifestyle.

 Matthew 7, 21-28; “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ Therefore whoever hears these saying of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”

     After yet another suicide attempt his mother’s church helped him find his way to the Colony of Mercy. Once here, he did not want to discuss his homosexuality, only to be freed from drugs. But God was about to begin a “special education” in Bill’s life. He was assigned to Chaplain Jim Freed. And the first order of business that Bill had in mind was to make sure Jim understood that he was here to get clean…of drugs. As far as his homosexuality, that topic was off limits, he told Chaplain Jim that there was NO WAY!  that God hadn’t created him a gay man. And he wasn’t going to listen to anyone who said differently. While he was laying down the law or should I say the lawlessness, Chaplain Jim was silently praying for God to help him minister the truth to Bill. He gave Bill a bible and simply asked him to begin studying it. God directed Chaplain Jim to let the Spirit do His work in Bill, as 2nd Timothy 2:24-26 so instructs; “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.”  Bill said that had his counselor fought with him or been in his face so to speak, he would have left.

 Instead he says: “Keswick created an environment where I could study the scriptures myself and my heart could hear the truth of God. It wasn’t quarrelsome but gentle and kind instruction that allowed God to lead me to repentance. It was safe, calm, quiet and away from the distractions of the world. I’ve learned how to have godly friendships with other men of God. There have been some intense conversations and I admire their leadership. I want people who are hurting like I was, to know there is hope.  

After all of the Lord’s gentle leading Bill knew in his heart God’s Word was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! “I knew what HE wanted but I couldn’t say it, I didn’t want to be gay but I knew I couldn’t stop on my own.

 I was looking out the window at the big wooden cross in front of the Colony building and the Lord spoke to my heart saying; “You need to give it to Me and say it out loud.” “Ok Lord, I can’t do this so You will need to do it.”  “HE said; I know Bill just give it all to Me.”

Finally…a surrender! There had to be one. One way or another. Our God is an awesome God and He loves and wants us. But there is also another whom we are wanted by. He doesn’t love us nor despite his attempts to deceive us, is he god. He is Satan and would have taken Bill dead or alive, emphasis on dead. Interestingly enough, God wanted Bill dead as well. Dead to himself that is, and raised to walk in the newness of a life in Christ for all eternity. This cowboy can claim a true Victory in Jesus!  While Bill is a new creation, he says it is a daily walk with and commitment to the Lord for him. There are still struggles he faces only this time with the Lord. Having continued Victory over his past demands a daily, whole hearted desire and obedience to be transformed and not conformed. He reflects on Ephesians 2: 1-10, (being made alive in Christ.)

     Bill graduated the Colony of Mercy, stayed for its discipleship program and was encouraged by Chaplain Jim to work with Harvest USA Ministries. At the Lord’s direction he accepted an internship at our conference center. I’ve watched him serve our guests with such kindness and sincerity. His southern drawl doesn’t hurt either!  He enjoys working at Keswick and desires to stay as long as the Lord would have him. His dreams for the future include the hope of studying biblical counseling.  He looks forward to what godly relationships will grow out of his new life.  Bill is thriving under the Lord’s hand and says he never in his life had a peace like he has now. As Jesus said in John 14:27; “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

It is our prayer that the following resources would be a tool for someone who may be seeking help:

Know this: there is hope and help waiting for you!

America’s KESWICK Colony of Mercy

Addiction Recovery for Men

www.americaskeswick.org

1.800.849.2926 x46

Harvest USA

www.harvestusa.org

215.482.0111

Exodus International

www.exodusinternatonal.org

800.264.0877

Pure Life Ministries

www.purelifeministries.org

800.635.1866

Setting Captives Free

www.settingcaptivesfree.com

330.620.8448

              In the months following this interview Bill accepted a full-time position in our Guest Groups department. He also began class this fall at the Keswick Institute of Biblical Studies: “Counseling Those In Addiction”. The opportunity to share what God is doing in his life has presented itself in a number of wonderful and yet challenging ways. He was asked to give his testimony at a series of banquets for Keswick. He was unable to fullfill the entire schedule due to the sudden death of his father. Instead Bill found himself on a plane back to Memphis to be with his mom and family. He had the privledge of speaking at his dad’s funeral and also of leading one of his brother’s to Christ. Bill was a great comfort to his mother while she grieved the loss of her husband of fifty-one years. After spending a short time with family and helping his mom get things in order it was time to head home.

Upon arriving back to his new home at Keswick he moved into his own apartment here on the grounds. Soon after, his mom and aunt made the trip to Keswick and stayed with Bill in his new place. It gave mom time to see with her own eyes as she put it “a miracle”.

Her son was walking with the Lord she so loves. It also gave her a chance to hang some curtains for him! Mom’s need to be mom’s. I was only able to spend a brief time with Bill’s mom and aunt, but it didn’t take long to see the strength of the Lord in these ladies. Not to mention their devotion to “Billy” as they like to call him.

 I like to call him “friend”.

Dina Seaton

Staff Writer

America’s KESWICK