by Mary Ann Kiernan, mother of Colony Graduate, Dan Kiernan

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I heard that verse many times before; however, it wasn’t until March 1998, when I dropped my 19-year-old son, Daniel, off at the Colony of Mercy that I began to learn what that verse meant. In times to come, I would learn to live it. The day I prayed for finally arrived.

Drugs had invaded our family six years earlier and robbed us of our precious sons. My family was in shambles. Home was a terrible place to be. I greeted each morning with dread, in anticipation of what new pain the day had in store. Work could not provide a refuge. I would sit in front of my computer and cry. Every time the phone would ring I would jump off my chair expecting the worst.

This was not the family life my husband and I had envisioned when our sons were babies. Without a personal relationship with Christ, life became a grim existence. Yes, I believed in God, but He was a distant God, One that I cried out to only when things were bad. “What had I done to deserve this? God, where are you? Don’t you care? Why me, God?”

These questions would haunt me. The first treatment center that Daniel entered, in 1994, Chelsea House, was a secular facility. I remember a very large sign on the wall that read, “Expect a Miracle.” I was encouraged. It was not until a few years later that I realized there wouldn’t be a miracle without the Lord. At Chelsea House I learned that I needed to help myself before I could help anyone else.

A longing began to grow deep inside me to reconnect with God. I visited the church in which I grew up, but had long since abandoned. I had never heard of a personal relationship with Christ growing up. Returning after all those years to that church, I felt something was missing. A friend invited me to her church. When I walked through those doors I immediately felt something was different.

It was there that I first heard about a personal relationship with Jesus from my friend Sandy. At the time I was only half listening, but the seeds were planted and the Lord began to water them. It was then that I began to pray and cry out to the Lord. At the same time, I began to go to a Families Anonymous group. What an education I was getting! So many hurting people, just like me, entered those doors.

Most people came once but never returned. I stuck with it for five years. It was there, in that secular “higher power” program, that I learned of America’s KESWICK and the Colony of Mercy in the fall of 1997. Friends I had from the group, who were Christians, told me about a place their son had applied, KESWICK’s Colony of Mercy.

Oh this seemed like an answer to prayer! But Daniel would never willingly go to a Christian Rehab, would he? More prayer. God began to work in our lives in ways I could never have imagined. He had plans for us and, thank God, our lives would never be the same. My new Christian friends at church had told me it would be God’s timing and not my own. It seemed like forever before God was readyto move.

But move He did! The joy I felt when Daniel entered the Colony could not be put into words. I wanted to support him 100%. I came to Sunday chapel services, Wednesday T’N’T (Text and Testimony), and visited him on Sundays. Daniel wasn’t the only one learning about the Lord and what it meant to have a personal relationship with Him.

You see, even though I was there to support him I was also there for myself. I was being fed spiritually like never before. Romans 8:28 was starting to make a little sense. Even though I began to love the Lord more and more, and learn of His mercy and grace, I felt I needed to be a better person, “clean up my own act.” I still didn’t get it. So I didn’t ask the Lord into my heart because I thought I was not worthy.

In those four months in 1998, I watched a broken, bent boy give his heart to Jesus and turn into a man before my eyes. We began to have conversations, not just talk, and a relationship between son and mother began to grow. It is amazing what the Lord can do for us if we let Him.

The men at the Colony began to have a place in my heart also. rejoiced in their triumphs and mourned when they fell. KESWICK entered my heart and my soul and wouldn’t let me go. Daniel left the Colony in July and I had high hopes. I watched him struggle, but told myself that if he fell, because he knew the Lord, he would be able to get back on track quickly.

I helplessly watched as the new man stumbled and fell back into sin. The bent and broken boy replaced the man Daniel had become. I began to hold onto something Daniel had told me. He said it was different now. The Lord would not leave him alone. He would convict him in his heart if he fell
back into sin.

I would love to say that he quickly turned his will back to the Lord, but that was not the case. The Lord, however, wasn’t finished with either of us yet. In October of 1998, at the end of the presentation Noah at Sight & Sound in Pennsylvania, I couldn’t hold back any longer. I finally realized that God loved me just as I was, “warts and all.” The Lord would lead my life now; it would be His will, not mine.

By November Daniel was lost in sin again and had chosen to leave our home.Even though I had the Lord in my heart, I was a mess. I began to grow in the Lord, pray for His will, His strength and His comfort. God began to bless me with
answered prayer.

The Lord started to pull on my heartstrings. It was a gentle pull at first. I tried to resist it all I could, but He kept calling me. I stayed in touch with the Colony, and became a prayer partner and a Visionary Caretaker. Soon the Lord began to tell me it wasn’t enough. He wanted something more of me.

Daniel had come to that broken place again and in August 2000, Praise the Lord, he found himself on the steps of the Colony and God provided an open bed that day. God is good! My prayer life had dramatically changed over the years. Romans 8:28 was now alive and real to me. I finally understood what it meant. The years lost to addiction were now being transformed in Daniel’s life. I had given my sons to the Lord.

I realized that the Lord had given them to me for only a short time, to love and cherish and show them the way to Him. They really belonged to Him first. I had failed at showing them the way when they were young. The brokenness in my house was also being transformed. The Lord has restored my marriage as well. But not everything is perfect in my household.

Among other problems we face, our other son still struggles. I give him to the Lord every day and pray for His mercy and grace to fill him. I cried out to the Lord, “Why me? Have mercy on me, Lord. Use my pain, transform it, recycle it into something for You, Lord, and Your glory.” You see, the Lord works through the Colony, not only for the men who come to them broken and seeking Him, but He also works through them so he can save and transform the moms, dads, wives, children, brothers and sisters of the men. The list goes on and on.

I thank the Lord for using the brokenness of one man, William Raws, over 104 years ago to reach across the century and touch my family. What if he had said “Thank you Lord for saving me” and walked away from the Lord’s calling on his life?

How could I now walk away? I have heard the call and I have said, “Yes, Lord.” I applied to Philadelphia Biblical University and have been accepted. I believe the Lord is calling me to Christian counseling. Me? Going back to school now, Lord? I am afraid, but I know that He will provide for all my needs because He has called me to this task.

My church has begun a new ministry, to help those lost in addictions, called ARISE. It is based on God’s word in Mark 2. He has chosen me to chair this ministry. I’ve never led anything in my life, so I have to give all the credit to the Lord, and continue to seek His guidance and strength. God is so good. God used all that pain in my family and turned it into something good for His kingdom. If you put your trust in Him, and allow Him into your heart, He can do the same for you.

“And we know that in all things God
works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His
purpose.”