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LONELINESS
by
Diane M. Hunt, M.S., M.A.
Director of Women’s Addiction Ministries & Family Counseling
As we consider loneliness let's look at the
following definition: "Loneliness is a normal
response to the perception of being alone, when
one desires intimacy."1 There are three
important components - first, loneliness is
normal. Just about everyone experiences
loneliness at some time. Second, loneliness is
based on a perception. How we look at our
situation determines whether we become lonely
or not. Third, loneliness is based on a
perception that a desire for intimacy or
relationship has gone unmet.
Loneliness becomes a problem when the desire
for intimacy turns into a demand or a need,
which is then a focus in our life. If we believe
we need intimacy and do not have it, it can lead
to loneliness, discouragement, disappointment,
depression, and a feeling that life is not fair.
What we perceive to be unmet needs can make
us not only cranky but can begin to consume
our lives. Anything that becomes the focus of
our lives other than Jesus Christ is a problem.
So, you may ask, how does a genuine desire take
control? According to Dr. Paul Tripp, based on
James 4:1-10, there are 6 progressive downward
steps starting with desire and ending in sinful
response to unmet desires. For our purposes we
will just look at the first 3 steps.
1. Desire: "I want." Nothing wrong here.
2. Demand: "I must." The desire is no
longer an expression of love for God
and man, but something I crave for
myself.
3. Need: "I will." Something desirable is
now seen as essential. I am convinced
that I cannot live without it."2
When our desire for relationship becomes a
demand and then a need, we are in trouble.
If you have a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ, you know in your heart that the answer
to loneliness is in Him. You may be thinking, "That's fine and I know that's true but I need
someone with skin on." You may not want to
hear this but you are probably reading this to
find help and the only thing that will help you is
the truth. John 8:32, "And you shall know the
truth, and the truth shall make you free." The
idea that "I need someone with skin on" is a lie
of the enemy and it will inevitably result in
loneliness. Worse yet, it could lead to a root
belief that God is holding out on you and not
keeping His promises. If you believe that you
need someone with skin on to be happy, you are
trapped in unhappiness until that person comes
along. What if that person never comes? Is God
holding out on you? Is God failing to keep His
promises?
GOD PROMISES TO SUPPLY
ALL YOUR NEEDS
Isaiah 58:11, "The Lord will guide you
continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and
strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered
garden and like a spring of water, whose waters do
not fail."
Philippians 4:19, "And my God shall
supply all your need according to His riches in glory
by Christ Jesus."
2 Peter 1:3-4, "His divine power
has given to us all things that pertain to life and
godliness, through the knowledge of Him who
called us by glory and virtue, by which have been
given to us exceedingly great and precious promises,
that through these you may be partakers of the
divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is
in the world through lust."3
These three verses are just a few of many in the
Bible that tell us that God will supply all our
needs. God will supply all your needs.
Therefore, if you believe you need someone with
skin on to be happy, and you don't have that
person, then God would be a liar. That cannot
be. Hebrews 6:18, ".it is impossible for God to
lie." Romans 3:4, "Indeed, let God be true but
every man a liar."
Okay, now that you see that your need for
relationship is more like a demand upon God to
give you what you want, what's next? A good
place to start is with repentance. You have been
looking to people to meet a desire for
relationship that has gotten out of control. It's
not that loneliness, in and of itself, is sin; but the
patterns of behavior and thoughts that can be
wrapped up in the experience of loneliness can
often be sinful. For example, watching too
much T.V., eating too much, pornography which
can give a false sense of intimacy, overspending,
Internet chat rooms, etc., whatever you turn to,
other than Jesus Christ, to ease the pain of
loneliness. The bottom line is that you are
looking to get your needs met apart from God.
Oh, so we're back to that. Yes, but praise God
we are. If we take people out of the picture as a
means to get our desire for relationship met,
what's left, or rather who's left? God, only God.
Do you want to be free from the devastation of
loneliness? Really, free? There is hope. Romans
15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy
and peace as you trust in him so that you may
overflow with hope by the power of the Holy
Spirit."4
Did you see it? ".as you trust in him." It all
goes back to your relationship with God. Your
freedom in this area and in other areas where
you may struggle will come only when you
believe in your heart that Christ is all you need.
You will know that you believe it in your heart
when your life reflects this truth and you are no
longer looking around to find ways to be
fulfilled. The only way for you to really believe
that Christ is all you need is to know Christ in a
rich, personal and intimate way. Only then will
you be able to trust Him to fill the deepest
longings of your heart with Himself.
Psalm
62:5-7, "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for
my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock
and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be
moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the
rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God."
Mark 12:30, "And you shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart, with all your soul, with
all your mind, and with all your strength."
2 Corinthians 9:8, "And God is able to make all
grace abound toward you, that you, always having
all sufficiency in all things, may have an
abundance for every good work."
Col 3:11, "Christ
is all and in all."
Christ is all I need. Allow that truth to sink into
your mind, heart, attitudes and actions, and you
will be forever changed.
FOOTNOTES
1 Dr. Miriam Stark Parent, The Soul Care Bible,
New King James Version, Thomas Nelson
Publishers, Nashville, 2001.
2 Paul David Tripp, "Instruments of Change," Lesson 3: page 4, Resources for Changing Lives,
2000
3 All scripture references are from the New King
James Version of the Holy Bible unless noted.
4 Scripture reference is taken from the New
International Version of the Holy Bible.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
A Path of Loneliness
by Elisabeth Elliot
How to Overcome Loneliness
by Elisabeth Elliot
Facing Loneliness
by Oswald Sanders
Falling in Love with Jesus:
Abandoning Yourself to the
Greatest Romance of Your Life
by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli
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